Notes On…DBT & Me

Life throws curveballs, and how we respond to them shapes everything—our relationships, our mental well-being, and our sense of self. Emotional regulation is the skill that helps us ride the waves of life without being swallowed by them. It’s not about shutting down emotions or pretending they don’t exist; it’s about learning to engage with them in a way that doesn’t leave us feeling powerless.

Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), developed by Marsha M. Linehan, is one of the most effective approaches to emotional regulation. It teaches that emotions aren’t problems to be eliminated but experiences to be understood and managed. DBT gives us practical tools to navigate emotional storms by balancing two key ideas: acceptance and change.

One of the simplest yet most powerful skills is mindfulness—learning to sit with emotions without judgment. Instead of immediately reacting, we pause, notice, and name what we’re feeling. This moment of awareness creates space for choice. When emotions feel overwhelming, distress tolerance skills help—things like taking a cold shower, listening to music, or focusing on deep breathing to ride out the wave without making impulsive decisions.

Another tool, opposite action, helps break emotional cycles. If sadness makes you want to isolate, the opposite action would be reaching out to a friend. If anger makes you want to lash out, the opposite action might be taking a walk. It sounds simple, but these small shifts can rewire emotional habits over time.

Emotional regulation is a skill—one that takes practice, patience, and self-compassion. The goal isn’t to never feel overwhelmed but to build the ability to respond with intention rather than impulse. And the more we strengthen this muscle, the more we reclaim our power over our emotions instead of letting them run the show.