Notes On…Uninvited Waves

Distress has a way of crashing into our lives uninvited, leaving us breathless, panicked, and desperate for relief. As a therapist, I see this all the time—people overwhelmed by emotions so intense that they feel like they might drown. But here’s the thing: distress doesn’t have to control you. With the right tools, you can learn to ride out emotional storms instead of getting pulled under.

We all know about fight-or-flight, the brain’s knee-jerk reaction to stress. But when distress hits hard, these instincts often backfire, leading to impulsive choices that only add fuel to the fire. Distress tolerance is about staying steady in the chaos—learning how to navigate the storm without making it worse.

So, what can help in those overwhelming moments?

• Distraction: Give your brain a break. Watch a show that makes you laugh, dive into a book, or call a friend who lifts you up. A little mental space can keep you from reacting impulsively.

• Self-Soothe: Use your senses to anchor yourself. Wrap up in a cozy blanket, listen to calming music, light a candle with your favorite scent. These small comforts can bring you back to the present.

• Improve the Moment: Visualize a peaceful place, take a deep breath, or find something—anything—to be grateful for, even in the smallest way.

• Pros and Cons: Before reacting, pause. Ask yourself: If I act on this impulse, will it help or hurt? That moment of reflection can be a lifesaver.

• Radical Acceptance: Some things can’t be changed. Fighting reality only deepens suffering. Acceptance doesn’t mean liking it—it means releasing the resistance that keeps you stuck.

Building distress tolerance takes practice. Start small before the big storms hit. And don’t go it alone—therapy, support groups, and trusted friends can help. You’re stronger than your distress. You just have to trust that you can ride the wave instead of letting it take you under.