Notes On… Unreliable Narrators
If our brains had a Rotten Tomatoes score for accuracy, they’d probably sit somewhere around 50%—sometimes insightful, sometimes wildly misleading, but always convinced they’re right. That’s the magic (and the curse) of cognitive distortions—those sneaky, automatic thought patterns that twist reality, stir up anxiety, and convince us that missing a text means we’re definitely getting ghosted forever.
Cognitive distortions are like bad Instagram filters for our thoughts—except instead of making things look prettier, they make everything more extreme, more negative, and way more dramatic than necessary. They’re shortcuts the brain takes to make sense of things quickly, but unfortunately, they often lead us straight into self-doubt, stress, and poor decision-making. Let’s take a look at some stand-out distortions, shall we?
All-or-Nothing Thinking (a.k.a. The Perfectionist’s Nightmare)
Either you succeed, or you’re a complete failure. There is no in-between.
Example: “I skipped the gym today, so I might as well quit working out forever.”
Reality Check: Progress isn’t linear—one misstep doesn’t erase all previous effort. Unless you’re a cartoon character, life is not black and white.
Catastrophizing (a.k.a. Turning a Paper Cut into a Medical Emergency)
Expecting the worst possible outcome, even with little evidence.
Example: “I messed up that work email. Any minute now, my boss will call HR and fire me.”
Reality Check: Not every mistake is a life sentence. Your boss is probably thinking about what’s for lunch, not your typo.
Mind Reading (a.k.a. I Know They Hate Me)
Assuming you know what people are thinking—and it’s always negative.
Example: “She didn’t wave at me? She must think I’m annoying.”
Reality Check: She probably just didn’t see you. Or maybe she’s deep in thought about why we still don’t have flying cars.
Emotional Reasoning (a.k.a. If I Feel It, It Must Be True!)
Believing that because you feel a certain way, it must be reality.
Example: “I feel like a failure, so I must be one.”
Reality Check: Feelings are not facts. You can feel like a penguin, but that doesn’t mean you should move to Antarctica.
Should Statements (a.k.a. The Fast Track to Guilt and Shame)
Holding yourself to impossible standards and then beating yourself up when you don’t meet them.
Example: “I should be more productive. I should be happier. I should be better at small talk.”
Reality Check: Stop "should-ing" all over yourself. Growth happens when we accept where we are, not when we punish ourselves for where we aren’t.
Cognitive distortions might be automatic, but that doesn’t mean they get to run the show. The trick is noticing them and then challenging them. Ask yourself:
What evidence do I actually have for this thought?
Is there another way to look at this?
Would I say this to a friend? (If not, why am I saying it to myself?)
This comes from the work of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)—which is like strength training for your brain. It helps you replace distorted thoughts with more balanced, reality-based thinking. Over time, you’ll start seeing life for what it is—not a catastrophe, not a never-ending test of perfection, but something much more forgiving.
Your brain may not always be the most reliable narrator, but with a little work, you can become the editor of your own story—one with less distortion and a lot more clarity.
