Notes On… Fixing vs. Accepting
Life presents us with challenges that require us to make a decision: do we work to fix the problem, or do we find a way to accept it? These two approaches—fixing and accepting—are not opposites but complementary paths. Each invites us to engage with life's complexities in different ways, offering lessons in both resilience and grace.
Fixing a problem is instinctive for many of us. When something feels wrong, our minds race to find a solution. This response is rooted in our biology; solving problems gives us a sense of control and progress. Fixing is about taking action, whether that means planning, reorganizing, or seeking help.
For example, imagine someone overwhelmed by financial stress. Fixing might look like creating a budget, seeking additional income, or consulting a financial advisor. This approach is empowering—it reminds us of our agency and the potential to shape our lives. But fixing also comes with limits. Not every problem can be solved, and sometimes, the more we push against an unmovable force, the more frustration and exhaustion we feel.
Acceptance, by contrast, is not about surrendering to hopelessness. It is about acknowledging what is, without the resistance that causes unnecessary suffering. Acceptance allows us to sit with discomfort and see the situation clearly. It frees us from the exhausting battle of trying to control the uncontrollable.
Take the example of chronic pain. Fixing might involve seeking medical treatment or making lifestyle changes, but the pain itself may persist despite every effort. Acceptance does not deny the difficulty of the situation—it honors it. It invites a person to shift focus from fighting the pain to living alongside it, finding moments of joy and connection despite its presence.
Acceptance is often misunderstood as giving up, but in truth, it requires tremendous courage. It asks us to let go of our idealized version of reality and embrace the truth as it stands. This process can be transformative, creating space for peace and gratitude even amid hardship.
The beauty of these two approaches is that they are not mutually exclusive. Acceptance can open the door to fixing, and fixing can pave the way to acceptance. For example, someone struggling with a broken relationship might first need to accept the reality of the situation—the loss, the hurt, the unresolved feelings—before taking action to repair it or move forward.
Conversely, fixing a problem often requires a foundation of acceptance. When we can calmly assess what is and is not within our control, our actions become more thoughtful and effective. Fixing without acceptance can feel frantic, like swimming upstream; acceptance without fixing can feel stagnant, like treading water. Together, they create a balanced approach to navigating life’s complexities.
In the end, both fixing and accepting are acts of self-compassion. Fixing reflects our belief in the power of growth, while acceptance honors our capacity for resilience. When we learn to dance between these two, we find the strength to meet life’s challenges with both determination and grace.
When faced with a challenge, ask yourself: What parts of this situation can I change, and what parts require me to find peace as they are? This question illuminates the boundaries between fixing and accepting, helping us to see where our energy is best spent.
