Notes On…An Uninvited Guest
Distress is that uninvited guest that barges into our lives at the worst possible moments, making it tough to breathe, think, or just be. As a psychotherapist, I’ve seen it turn people’s lives upside down, leaving them gasping for emotional air. But here's the good news: distress doesn’t have to be an untamed beast. With the right skills, we can ride out these emotional storms like a pro surfer on a big wave.
We’ve all heard of the fight-or-flight response—the brain’s primitive way of dealing with threats. But when distress hits, our primal wiring can lead us into impulsive actions that often only make things worse. Distress tolerance is about staying in control and making mindful choices even when everything inside screams chaos.
Picture this: you’re faced with an unexpected crisis, your emotions are all over the place, or you're tempted to indulge in some impulsive behavior that you know you'll regret. In these moments, distress tolerance isn’t about solving the root problem right then and there—it’s about preventing yourself from adding fuel to the fire.
So, what can help you through these stormy seas?
Distraction: Sometimes, a brief respite is necessary. Lose yourself in the pages of a captivating novel, call up a friend for a chat, or immerse yourself in a creative endeavor. Allow your mind a momentary escape from the storm.
Self-Soothe: Engage your senses in the healing process. Play some music that moves you, envelop yourself in a cozy blanket, or light a candle with a scent that evokes a forest after rain. Seek out those small comforts that anchor you back to the present.
Improving the Moment: Visualize a tranquil scene or recall a lighter time. Cultivate gratitude for the simple pleasures—a hot cup of tea, the quiet of the early morning, the smile of a friend.
Pros and Cons: Before you react, take a breath and weigh the pros and cons of your next move. This moment of reflection can be the difference between staying on course and steering into a storm.
Radical Acceptance: Sometimes life is unforgiving, presenting us with challenges we’d prefer to avoid. Radical acceptance involves embracing the reality of our circumstances without judgment or resistance. It’s a tough yet liberating path.
How do we build these muscles of distress tolerance? It’s all about practice. Start with the smaller challenges before tackling the towering waves. And don’t hesitate to seek support. Talk to a therapist, join a support group, or connect with someone who understands.
Remember, cultivating distress tolerance is more of a pilgrimage than a sprint. It’s a gradual process, with inevitable setbacks along the way. But with perseverance and practice, these skills will become your lifeline in turbulent emotional seas.
