Notes On…Loneliness and Solitude
Recently, a colleague approached me, recalling a presentation I gave on loneliness. He was working with a client struggling with isolation and wanted deeper insight into the difference between being lonely and being alone. It made me pause. In a world where we are constantly connected—texting, scrolling, posting—we rarely take the time to reflect on this distinction. More importantly, we don’t talk enough about the transformative power of choosing solitude.
Loneliness is a feeling of disconnection, not just from others but from belonging itself. It can stem from social isolation, a lack of meaningful relationships, or major life transitions. Loneliness is often involuntary—it happens to us. It’s that aching sense of absence, the feeling that something (or someone) is missing. And despite the illusion of digital closeness, loneliness is on the rise. We can be surrounded by people and still feel lonely because loneliness isn’t about proximity—it’s about connection.
Solitude, on the other hand, is a choice—a conscious decision to be alone, not as an escape, but as an opportunity. Solitude allows for deep reflection, creativity, and self-discovery. It teaches us that we are not dependent on others for fulfillment. When we embrace solitude, we cultivate resilience, learning to sit with our own thoughts rather than avoiding them. It’s in these moments that we strengthen our sense of self and gain clarity on what truly matters.
Paulo Coelho puts it beautifully: "Solitude is not the absence of company, but the moment when our soul is free to speak to us and help us decide what to do with our life." The challenge is striking a balance. Too much isolation can deepen loneliness, but intentional solitude can be a source of renewal. The key is awareness—knowing when solitude is nourishing and when it’s a mask for avoidance.
So, the invitation is this: Embrace solitude when you need it. Treasure the connection you have with yourself. And let those quiet moments guide you toward a deeper understanding of who you are—without the fear of being alone.
